Modern Day Monk ([info]drblasphlemy) wrote in [info]bdsm_tng,
2004-04-07 13:03:00
  • Mood: contemplative
  • Music: Blue October Ugly Side

question...

I've recently made a new friend who desires to be my sub. Now this is not something that I take lightly and I doubt her will or her dedication to the task, though still she begs for it.

My question. Does anyone have any recomendations of small tasks gradually building up to larger ones for training and/or to build a bond of respect/caring/dedication/ between Dom and Sub.

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  • 10 comments

[info]missakins

April 7 2004, 12:17:42 UTC 8 years ago

small tasks...is this going to be a sexual relationship as well, or just PE?

if she has a livejournal, she could be made to make filtered posts to you on an incremental basis describing topics of your choosing, or answering questions that you post to her.

For a sexual relationship, I'd say more intimate tasks might be in order, like wearing certain types of lingerie/toys to work/school or masturbating in the car on the way somewhere and calling to let you hear, even though she could be caught (use a headset) etc.

It seems like if you are trying to test her resolve to be your sub, you might make a point system and a deadline, like you need to make x number of points by y date, or it's no deal, and then assign a point value to the different tasks you set.

[info]galorious

April 7 2004, 12:55:45 UTC 8 years ago

Oooh. I like the point system idea. That's a good one.

[info]die_sado_frau

April 8 2004, 06:39:47 UTC 8 years ago

Im in the same situation as you so i might just keep check on the comments you get if thats ok xx

[info]drblasphlemy

April 8 2004, 15:06:04 UTC 8 years ago

It's ok. I don't mind at all.

[info]nasty_boi

April 13 2004, 15:46:57 UTC 8 years ago

do you know The Castle Realm? its a good site for everything D/s, and training is included so u should check out or have the potential sub check out the articles and journals and stuff like petitions might be good. theres phases to becoming a submissive... consideration, training leading up to final collaring. communication is most important. is this r/t or online or both? that makes a difference. theres lots of info online about training and consideration of relationships. might be helpful.

[info]drblasphlemy

April 13 2004, 20:48:58 UTC 8 years ago

No, I have never heard of it. I will look into it, thank you. It is real thing, at least I think that is what r/t means.

[info]sir_steven

April 27 2004, 14:51:51 UTC 8 years ago

Not an expert by far, but....

The Castle Realm, unfortunately, was my first choice in reading about things online. You just have to be warned that D/s is a very personal thing, and it takes time to take in all that information and apply it to your own needs and wants...

I remember reading one article on there that was entitled, "All I learned about Domination, I learned from training my dog" or something like that. Some usefull tips certainly, but was insulting to me in many ways. Dogs can't write journals, or have some say. Of course, it might be applied to training slaves better than subs, but, in the end I was glad I read it because my opposing view made up my mind on a few things...

Just take anything online with a grain of salt... Some of it can do more harm than good.

[info]iktomismiled

April 14 2004, 10:18:47 UTC 8 years ago

I personally would recommend she fill out a BDSM Checklist, and keep a journal. The checklist can be found via a goolge search. The journal, she should hold no punches on. It's a place for her to put all her feelings, even those that would normally get her in trouble with you...
This gives you a better window into her head.

I would ask you the following:
is this sexual or service-based? both? Household chores, and behavior protocols are nice for service.

Help her break any bad habits she doens't want. This is something I've done often with subbies and always gotten results. It brings together kinkiness, power exchange, and self improvement all in one swoop.

More advice later perhaps...

[info]sir_ntac

April 19 2004, 06:45:01 UTC 8 years ago

personal experience

my personal experience is that you should teach them what it is like to be a sub. don't jsut give them checklists and tell them to read stuff. put them in a position where they can get involved and experience the power exchange, but not necessarily (sp?) to the point where they can get hurt emotionally. i have some very good methods i use for this. message me on aim fasa17 and i can go over them with you if you'd like

[info]sir_steven

April 27 2004, 14:44:25 UTC 8 years ago

Mirror work

Was wondering if anyone else did this...

I love chubby subs, at least those with some curves. Sometimes though, that also means being self-conscious and sometimes low self-esteem.

So, work in front of a full length mirror seemed to address that. She could stand in front of it, nude, and then task her to tell herself she is beautiful over and over. After a while, ask her that before this mantra, she looks to see about things she really wants to change about her body. Be sure to let her know that how she is, how you accepted her, is acceptable to you even if she doesn't accept herself. But, if she comes up with some issues than can be changed, like maybe she sets a goal weight for herself, then start thinking of tasks that address that to help her with her goal.
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